Why Do We Have Funerals?

Even though almost every generation, culture, and religion has its own customs and traditions, funeral ceremonies, and memorial services all share a common goal. They are a way to bring closure to friends and family impacted by the death, while honoring the person who passed..

A funeral serves a two-fold purpose. First, it helps us begin the grieving process. When we lose someone close to us, no matter how prepared for death we think we are, we find ourselves unprepared for the loss. We find ourselves missing the deceased in unexpected, unaccountable ways. We need to discover how important this person was to us. It is almost as if we must inventory our loss before we can grieve them.

The funeral helps us by giving us permission to grieve. Today many consider the public expression of grief as a sign of weakness. This is unfortunate for our American society, as we have not openly, and appropriately discussed death like so many cultures do worldwide. Grief should not be seen this way; rather, it is nature's way of helping heal a broken heart. We are doing the best job of handling grief when we are grieving. The more we express our grief the sooner we work through this process that leads to recovery.

Many hold back on the grieving process, and thusly it affects us in many ways. It can cause stress, depression, affect our moods, and even affect our relationships with other. Allowing oneself to grieve for our loved one is great for the mind, body, and spirit.

Second, the funeral helps us realize and appreciate the connections our loved one had established with others. Funeral gatherings provide a chance to talk, and to share memories. Many funerals I have had the honor of performing have allowed space in the service for others to stand up and share a story or memory. What a healing process it can be for all involved.

Visitation times at the funeral home, or friends dropping by the home give us the chance to begin telling the stories about our loved one. There is something so healing when we share memories of our loved ones. It allows us to remember them and keep their legacy alive.

Often those stories paint an unexpected picture of our loved one, and show us a new dimension, a new significance that we had not appreciated. It helps us realize what an important place he or she occupies in the memory of others. The stories we tell and hear -will one day become the great memories that stay in our hearts forever.

One of the important purposes of the funeral is to gather with family and friends and say "This life was important. This life mattered to us. This life touched mine." Many times when we gather with fellow mourners, we can find comfort, peace, rest, and most importantly… hope. Hope for us, hope for our dearly departed, hope that one day, our tears of sadness will turn to tears of joy.

Nothing establishes this significance like a well-done funeral that personalizes the loved one. We now realize the value of personalizing the funeral for this purpose. Families now feel free to eulogize their loved one or they often ask a close friend to do so.

Many families bring personal items and pictures to the service to further personalize the event. Music is now more likely to be some favorite song the person loved or a song that meant a great deal to a marriage. And many times, families will choose to have a photo slideshow during the ceremony. Incorporating these types of things allows the service to be reflective of their life.

I remember years ago when my mother passed away unexpectedly, my sister and I decided to do two unusual things for her service. First, her absolute favorite song was Bob Seger’s song “Old Fashioned Rock N Roll”. We decided at the end of service, to dismiss everyone with that song playing. And second, as they were being dismissed, we had an ice cream social for everyone. With every kind of topping, whipped cream, cherries.. you name it, we had it. My mom LOVED ice cream sundaes! What a fun way for us to celebrate, and remember, our mom! Everyone who knew her, loved these two things.

You see the funeral is not about caskets and rituals. The funeral is about mental health and healing, and celebrating our departed.. When we have reflected our loss, and started the healing process of grief, then and only then, has the funeral done its vital work in our lives.

If you would like to discuss how we can honor your loved one with a great service, please contact me. I’d love to serve you and your family.